So the urge to buy an Xbox360 is growing. During the weekly video game nights, I have been experiencing the wonder of the true current gen systems. I own a Nintendo Wii, and aside from a few golden nuggets, it pretty much sucks ass. I have been playing the likes of Fallout 3, Boarderlands, Halo, Ninja Gaiden, Call of Duty 2, Portal (amazing game), Batman Arkham Asylum, Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, Dead or Alive, Assassins Creed, Street Fighter, Brutal Legends, Bioshock ect ect ect... Having played and pretty much beaten all of these games it really makes me want to actually own this wonderful system for myself.

Being that this is China and that consoles and games aren't actually sold officially in this country, every game is pirated. I don't endorse game pirating (unless of course it's retro) but games in Australia cost up to 100 bucks. I hate buying a game only to beat it in one sitting and feel like I have been cheated out of my hard earned cash. I read reviews of games all the time but they only reduce the chance of getting burnt a little. So I think I may have to buy my system and games while I'm in China, and soon because with winter coming I will be indoors a lot. Plus the games are 5yuan...

Last game night, aside from the customary Dead or Alive tournament(J is a much more worthy opponent at it than my Tbar buds, sorry dudes but it's true), We booted up A little game called Bayonetta...

This sexy Librarian looking witch, is freaking amazing to watch in the cut scenes and fucking slick to play as. She has guns on her boots and sucks on lollipops for health. My friend told me it was similar to God of War or maybe more like Devil May Cry. I hate GOW as it is a quicktime shitfest and the setting and characters bore the shit outta me. Batonetta on the other hand is about some anime styled amnesiac witch battling Heavens' army! with tight controls and almost no quicktime at all, sweet!


The combat is the smoothest I have ever seen in a third person beat em up. You can literally chain everything into combos all the while ducking and dodging any and every attack God has to throw at you. Heck even a large majority of your attacks are also dodging moves. The cool thing is that there is no block button only evade. If you happen to press evade at the right time, you'll go into witch time. Witch time is basically just an enemy slow down but saves your ass a lot, plus it looks pretty.


The enemies are beautifully ugly, as they are gods creation for fucking shit up. They look like a cross between Victorian/roman angels, zodiac creatures, and a dash of Japanese retard. They tend to try and gang rape you, but that just makes kicking their ass so much more satisfying. If you manage to obliterate enough angels without getting hit, you are able to pull of torture moves. These moves range from jumping on a flying thing and whipping out a chainsaw, to bitch slapping them into guillotines. Depending on the creature and the angle from which you execute the attack, you get a different finishing move.

The story is full of cheese, but in a that awesome Japanese way. It's hard to describe, but if you have watched any Dead or Alive cut scenes you know what I'm talking about. Bayonetta will flip around killing dudes, all the while striking hilariously inappropriate poses, and saying alluring things to you. You gotta love the Japanese sense of cheese.

I recommend this game to anyone, go play it.


But wait, you may be wondering how it is that I played it when it doesn't release until January in the west. Well thanks to Chinese pirates, we get it here now. As an added bonus, for some reason, a large majority of Japanese games come out with full English voice acting along side their Japanese counter parts. Hooray for me!